The 2011 Video Games Retrospective
A look back at the previous year in interactive entertainment, with a twist
Ed: Please note, this is an opinion piece. See New Game Network's official Game of the Year 2011 selections.
2011 was a big year, not that is was any longer than other years proceeding; it had the same amount of days, roughly 365, but events-wise. Dictatorships toppled, tsunamis devastated Japan, adding large-scale water features and stressing out Geiger counters of scientists.
However, enough about the ills of the world, too much exposure to mostly apathetic news coverage of how we're all going to die a horrible and painful death could cause us to bash our heads in with an old-school Xbox controller.
Lucky for us, we have entertaining distractions in the form of entertainment, and I've compiled a list of my own awards.
Most Depressing Game News of the Year
Runner-up: Modern Warfare 3 Announced
COD 3, or Call of Duty 3 if you happen to live under a rock, has sold over 9 million units to date. I include myself in those units as I bought the game, but looking back now, I can't help but stare at the case with almost suicidal despondency.
It represents the lowest common denominator of gamers, the Michael Bay of the games industry if you will. And as a franchise all we have to look forward to is the inevitable decline, milking the cash cow until all that remains is an emaciated carcass. The president of EA will sit atop his throne of angry twelve year olds while an employ dressed in a potato sack beats his fists against the cow's raw and bloody udders. It'll still sell though...
Winner: Angry Birds domination
Angry Birds officially crashed through the one million mark in the app store like a rotund canary rocketing through planks of brittle wood. This is what humanity has come to, and it won't be long until the religion of Angry Birds is recognized in the census. The 'Birdites' (its clergy) shall construct giant slingshots and fire pheasants at Mach 3 into a condemned building brimming with insane/suicidal livestock.
Most useless game periphery
Runner up: Wii Bowling Ball
A masterpiece in spherical and plastics engineering, giving the player a unique opportunity to both appear like an idiot and increase your chance of smashing your lovely 52" flat-screen TV by one million percent.
Winner: Wii Fishing Rod
An exceptional engineering feat, seamlessly combining a length of flimsy plastic with a piece of string and sleek holder for your Wii nunchuks that will attract everyone of the female persuasion in your neighborhood. I'm not sure what it is, but women love a man who plays SEGA Bass Fishing in all of its anatomically correct glory.
Share:
Comments
