The 2011 Video Games Retrospective
A look back at the previous year in interactive entertainment, with a twist
Biggest screw up of the year
Runner up: Ocean Marketing
This debacle occurred only a few months ago with a heated and idiotic exchange with 'Ocean Markkkkkketing'. The company (one guy), which deals with PR and such for the Avenger Controller engaged in a verbal punching match with one consumer.
What followed on Ocean's behalf was a person with the conversational prowess of a lobotomised door, eking out ham-fisted, grammatically incorrect, and idiotic candour not witnessed since the time I was very ill and hallucinated chatting with a scared door mouse.
Thankfully, the man's career has crumbled and he was fired, most probably having relocated to a part of the globe where such idiocy is praised.
Winner: PSN Outage
Unfortunately Playstation's take on its users account information was that of an old lady. An old lady who stashes all of her money under the mattress, invites that kindly nuclear holocaust insurance salesman round to for tea while she pops off to the post box to deliver the letter that informed her she'd just won a boat. In short, she's left standing there wondering where the money's gone, no more heating for grandma this winter.
A giant faux pas on Sony's behalf and their response was lackluster, closing the gate after the horse has bolted, casually putting up a singular firewall, and calling it a day, their customers are only inept surfs after all.
Most obvious money grabbing attempt
Runner Up: HD Remakes
Re-releasing games in HD is to the film industry, what releasing movies in 3D are, a soul-sucking attempt from corporate cash herders to suck the money out of your pockets like a financial vacuum cleaner. The thing is, it's not that bad, and sure it's nice to have Metal Gear on one disc, but it's similar to releasing the 'Collectors-Limited-Gold-Edition', which is, ultimately shallow. It's a business though, and that's what they're for and we're fighting a losing battle. First world problems indeed.
Winner: Nintendo
The King, Queen, Viscount, Baron, of re-releases, spin offs, bathroom fragrances and extensive marital aid manufacturers. What really annoyed me with Nintendo this year was Ocarina of Time. I honestly don't know how long they'll keep churning it out for every new idiot box they release. It's a vicious circle, and soon all the 'new' content Nintendo will release will be re-releases, having amassed such a haughty catalog the consumer won't know the difference.
Soon you'll have the option to play OoT from the coffin or piped into your dream juice while in extensive surgery from the man who bludgeoned you into a coma because you purchased the last copy for the new Wii console presented to you at birth.
Honorable mentions
Virginity world record holder (Man creates 1:1 scale model of Starship Enterprise in Minecraft)
Nintendo Expands Target Demographic (a young child makes the mistake of trying to play Face Raider's with a gorilla)
Miyamoto knows his pussy (Nintendo's veteran designer waxes lyrical about the difference between females and cats)
That's it, I've washed my hands of 2011 and am applying the nutrient face mask of 2012 .
To play me out, perhaps the greatest thing to come out of Oblivion. Or not...
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